Lost Dreams of Happiness
by miji-chan
Summary: Semi-modern. Five years ago the Kamiya dojo was burnt down, the occupants dying in the fire. Kenshin, the sole survivor, was taken in by Katsura and became an assasin again. But now, when a familiar face appears, will he be able to find happiness again?
1. Chapter 1

Lost Dreams of Happiness

Ch 1

This is a new story I thought of... and I'm really looking forward to seeing what people think of it... and of continuing!

So please enjoy reading this... and also review!

**Um... yeah, I know this is the second time I've uploaded this... but I forgot to put a disclaimer on it... sweatdrop Oops.**

**Soo... Disclaimer: I do not own all or any of Rurouni Kenshin.. I wish I did, but all I can have is the anime DVDs and magna volumes (becomes depressed) such a sad world...**

**Enjoy this time around!**

* * *

The wind was silent, overcome by the brightness and warmth of the sun, which had decided to return home in order to sulk over its loss, leaving the earth untouched. In its triumph, the blazing ball of fire floating high in the sky encompassed the globe's inhabitants, keeping everything heated and lit with an inner brightness and fire. 

Displaying their happiness, the animals interacted with each other. Birds were chirping conversations while squirrels chased friends around and through the trees and bushes. Larger animals looked on, silently adding their share of joy to the whole.

Through this festivity a small, redheaded man walked, his sandals whispering on the dirt road as he moved. The animals took no notice of him, and others left the man ignored as he went past, lost in his own thoughts.

Occasionally he stopped and raised his face to the sky, letting the sun shine down on him while enjoying its warmth. The man would stand in silent contemplation for several minutes until just as abruptly he would shake his head and continue walking.

When he rounded a corner, moving away from the main city and nearing his destination, all of his senses abruptly alerted him that something was wrong by temporarily deserting him.

The redhead paused in place, trying to sense what was wrong. He peered ahead but nothing was there, and around him, everything was silent.

But that wasn't right… just a few seconds ago it had seemed like all of the forest was teeming with life.

With a sudden pang of dread, the man took off running.

He ran faster then he had ever run in his whole life, his sandals crunching the dirt recklessly as he kicked it up in his hurry. The landscape rushed past him, combining into a blur of colorless objects as they were left in his wake

He arrived quickly at his original destination, and slid to a halt, falling to his knees as his momentum carried forward after the sudden stop , taking him with it. When he was able to breathe normally once more, the man raised his head to find a sight that one would find in nightmares taking place in reality directly in front of his eyes.

The Kamiya dojo, where he had spent the past five years of his life, was burning, enveloped in bright red and orange flames as it was destroyed.

All at once, his senses returned to him. The bright colors of the fire were etched into his eyes, the cracking and popping of the flames as it devoured the wood were deafening to his sensitive ears, and the smell of the dojo's wood, smoothed and polished by much oil and elbow grease, now turned to foul smoke would always be with him.

No matter what happened after this, he would always remember this day.

The redhead slowly came back to reality as he knelt in the road, wide-eyes. Eventually he realized that other people had gathered and had surrounded him, chattering amongst themselves.

"I wonder what happened…"

"It's only the small dojo run by that woman teacher…"

"Shouldn't someone get the police?"

"What could they do?"

"How about using buckets or something?"

"Thank goodness no one's inside…"

'Yes, everyone's out somewhere,' the man thankfully thought, his eyes still locked on the damncing flames. 'Even though the dojo will be gone, we can go somewhere else, Kaoru-dono will be able to teach again, life for all of us will continue.'

But a few seconds later, he double-checked himself. 'No, Kaoru-dono didn't come into the city with me; she stayed to give lessons to Yahiko. And Sano probably wasn't awake yet, he's usually still asleep now. So that means….'

His breath hitched as he came to the realisation that only one thing could come of this.

"No!"

The redhead wasn't aware he shouted the word aloud, as in one movement; he stood and ran at the gate.

"Kaoru-dono!"

His strong hands rose to grip the latch of the gate and he began pushing and pulling on it, wishing with all of his heart for it to open.

However, the door did not open, even with all the pressure he was putting on it, but the man continued trying, pushing harder and harder.

Suddenly there was a deafening roar as the remaining structure collapses in on itself, turning into a pile of mostly charred planks of wood and various other burnt objects. A wave of heat washed over them, causing the town folk to step back and gasp.

The man was unaware of everything except for the few remaining parts of the dojo, and he panicked. He pressed and pulled harder, the single thought running through his mind to get inside and rescue his friends, as well as the one he loved.

Then there were strong arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him away from the gate- and a few seconds later what was left of the dojo shuddered to the ground in a black pile of death, dark against the earthy tone of the yard.

But the redhead gripped the handle tightly in his hands, unwilling to give up hope.

"Himura, let go," demanded a stern voice, pulling harder while tightening his hold.

"No! Kaoru-dono, I have to get her out!"

The voice's owner tugged harder than he had before, forcefully dislodging the other's hands. Both of them stumbled back a few steps then fell to the ground from the force of the man's strength.

"No! Sano! Yahiko!" The man shouted desperately, clawing at the ground as he tried to release himself.

"They're gone, Himura. They're all dead."

The redhead slumped to the ground, his head falling against the hard earth as his hands curled into fists. "No, they aren't! They can't be!"

His rescuer sighed and pulled the other up into a somewhat reasonable sitting position.

"Even if you deny the fact Himura, it's still true." The man stood up and straightened, then tried to pull the redhead up as well- but he refused to cooperate. The man sighed, "Stand up baka, don't just sit there like an idiot."

But the smaller man didn't hear, his eyes were trained on the door, as if he could see through it to the inside of the yard.

The other groaned softly and pulled again on the thin arms. "Why do you have to be so stubborn about this? You hurt yourself, you need to be treated."

"Fujita-san?"

The man who had been addressed turned his head to see a worried old woman standing next to him. After a second he smiled as reassuringly as he could at her, "no need to worry Miss, he'll be fine."

"Oh," she said, cast another glance at Kenshin, and walked away.

When a citizen was no longer addressing him, the man dropped the false smile and looked down at the redhead. "He's strong, he'll recover." There was a long pause before he added, "I hope."

He shrugged off the worry and reached down to pull the younger man to his feet. The other stood, his eyes dulled while he replayed the burning of his second home, and family, repeatedly in his head.

"Himura."

There was no answer, so the police officer sighed and picked the redhead up. He would have carried him on his back, but the man thought that that might hurt the other more then it would help him.

Then he turned and walked down the now-empty street, back towards the police station in the city, where the younger man could be treated, and stay until he had recovered.

* * *

I hope everyone liked it! Thanks very much for reading! 

**I'm sorry to the four people who reviewed this the first time... thank you very much for your reviews, I'm sorry they were deleted! If you want to, you may review again, but you don't have to.**

This idea came to me after I read Poppy2's A Bittersweet Elegy (I highly recommend it!) It's not a ripoff... just an idea I got from it. But thanks to Poppy2! bows

I really look forward to continuing this story... I have a main plot thought of... so I can try and update soon!

Once again... please review!

Thanks,

ja ne

mji-chan/cara-chan


	2. Chapter 2

Lost Dreams

Ch 2

Hey everyone! Welcome back! I'm sorry this took me so long to get out, but writing took awhile, then ashchan, my betaer was busy. But its out now!

There are important author notes at the end, please take the time to read them!

Thanks for reading and please enjoy!

* * *

Saito sighed annoyed and rested his head on the desk, "Stupid paperwork, we might actually get things done if everyone did their own." He leaned back in the chair and lit a cigarette, then slowly brought it to his mouth and inhaled. "Like Himura isn't enough of a problem." 

"Oi! Fujita!" called a loud, Southern voice as the door nearly slammed open. The wolf slowly opened his eyes and glared at the man standing in front of the door.

"What do you want, broom head?"

The man moved his hand towards one of the swords resting on his back, but Saito raised an eyebrow curiously at him and the man quickly lowered his hand.

Silence reigned for several minutes, until the wolf stood up and walked around the desk. "What do you want, broom head?"

"It's Himura…the idiot's still sulking."

Saito sighed tiredly and dropped the cigarette on the ground; "I'll go talk with him."

The broom head turned aside from the doorway and leaned against the hall. "Good luck with 'im." He commented as the wolf walked past.

* * *

Walking down the hall, Saito considered what to with the annoying redhead as he wandered among the halls, avoiding Himura's room. The man was highly stubborn, and once he had _finally_ accepted the fact that the dojo was gone, and his friends dead, he had refused to leave his room and continued to sit inside, sulking. 

The wolf walked around the station, passing multiple offices, until he came to the rooms that were set aside for officers who had to work overnight. He passed several of these rooms before stopping in front of a certain door, and knocking.

"Himura! You awake yet?"

There was no answer, so Saito turned the knob and pushed it open. His eyes took several seconds to adjust to the overwhelming darkness of the room, and he first saw the redheaded man curled in a corner, staring at and through the window.

Saito sighed, closed the door, then walked over towards the window and pulled aside the curtains that hung over it. "This is ridiculous; you're still sulking in here. Pathetic."

The other man gave no reply, or showed that he had even heard the officer's words.

"This is definitely a new low for you Himura," the wolf commented, as he walked over and knelt beside him. He studied the man for several minutes, noting the changes that had occurred in just the past three months.

His infamous bright red hair had dirtied from lack of washing, and now seemed to be a light brown. The violet eyes were also dull, and had lost their liveliness, most likely because he now spent his entire time staring out the window, daydreaming.

Saito waved a hand in front of the others' face, trying to attract his attention, but the man continued to ignore him.

Finally the cop became so annoyed with the stubborn redhead that the wolf lunged forward and roughly shook the man's shoulder, at the same time turning him so they were face-to-face.

To his surprise the man started, and then when they were face to face blinked slowly and stared fiercely at him, before saying softly, "what, Saito?"

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't dead in here," Saito smirked, his eyes narrowing.

Kenshin scowled and turned away. "Thanks," he replied, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"No problem."

The redhead turned back to the wolf, "Go away Saito, I've had enough of your company."

The annoying cop's smirk grew, "you can't get rid of me _that_ easily. Try again, baka."

"Leave me _alone_, Saito."

Hajime laughed coldly, "you're in my territory, Himura. Learn to deal with it."

Anyone could have felt the anger radiating off of Kenshin, but Saito decided to ignore it, and antagonize him more.

"Listen Himura, _I'm _the one who brought you here, found you a place to live, and have been looking after you for this entire time."

The redhead turned his head away, trying to ignore the other man.

"I won't tell you I enjoyed it, but I did expect to get at least a _little_ thanks from you. Funnily enough. I can't believe I expected that from you."

Kenshin's eyes burned angrily as he turned back to glare at Saito with icy, pale violet eyes. "Thanks?" He spat the word as if it were poison. "Why would I give you any _thanks_? Because of you I nearly _died_ in the war."

He laughed bitterly, "and you think I should _thank_ you, just because you helped me? Get real, Saito."

In response the wolf said nothing, the only thing he could think about was how different Himura was without the rurouni mask he usually wore. But, it seemed that with the death of his friends, and his lady tanuki, that mask had dissolved, and now all that was left was the real Himura, left for all the world to see.

"Fine, be that way Himura. But keep in mind, baka, that you've completely changed in the past three months, and it was definitely not all for the better. You had better not try to deny it either, Himura." The man smirked, knowing that this would push him over the edge. "I bet if your friends could see you now…"

"SHUT UP!"

The wolf was actually surprised and startled when Himura yelled at him. He had never heard the redhead yell, or even raise his voice, and Saito's first response was to smirk.

When they faced each other, Kenshin's eyes were an icy, cold violet that had amber flickering in them, angrily piercing through the amusement shown in Saito's.

"Don't you _dare_ tell me what my friends would say! You don't know them like I do! How dare you insult their memory like that!" His hands curled into fists, "I've had enough of you!"

With every word the redheads voice rose until he was practically screaming, while his eyes blazed and body shook with anger.

"You're mad," Saito commented, observing the rare tantrum.

"GET OUT!" Kenshin screamed, pointing angrily at the door.

The wolf slowly rose to his feet, keeping his eyes on the flaming redhead. "If this is how you really behave, then I'm glad your friends never saw this side of you."

With that comment hanging in the air, he walked over to the door and glanced back at Himura before exiting, closing and locking the door behind him.

* * *

After that conversation, the cop kept an even closer eye on the redhead. He would never say it aloud, but he worried about Himura. Saito had never seen or heard about him snapping like that, and now that he actually had, the possibility of him being alright was unsure. 

Several months passed, and the only times Kenshin left his place near the window was when Saito, or one of the other officers, brought food. And also the time, once a month, when the wolf forced him to take a shower and then redress in second-hand police uniforms which often, surprisingly, fit him.

But it came to be that each time they were in each others presence, the two of them seemed to become more and more hostile with each other, until eventually neither could stand being in the same room.

And because of that, Saito started leaving the redhead alone, sending other cops instead.

Half a month later the two of them still hadn't seen each other in that entire time, and neither wanted to break that record.

* * *

But one day a letter came to the wolf, which said that an important government official was coming to visit the station, and requested that only Saito was present…all other officers and personnel were to be absent. At the bottom of the letter was a sentence in bold stating that was wolf was to tell no one about the meeting. 

The date on the letter was for the next day.

Grumbling about the mail system, Saito stood and walked out to where the other officers working that day were located.

"You all have tomorrow off."

Everyone stared at him, surprised at the _u_nusual declaration. When the man didn't smirk or said he had lied, they turned to each other, whispering. After a few minutes of gossiping, and beginning rumors about the wolf, Saito had finally had enough.

"Quiet!"

Immediately the talking ceased, and all of them looked at him with large, wide eyes.

"You are not getting the day off as a holiday. I expect you all to work, just not here at the station."

Many groans met this statement.

"Quiet!"

Silence.

"Do not take advantage of this situation, it is very unlikely that it will happen again. If I hear of any fooling around, you will be working longer hours and more days as a punishment. Do I make myself clear?"

Mumbles of agreement responded, as well as one hand slowly raised into the air.

"Yes, Itsuki. What do you want?" Saito questioned irritably. When he asked if they understood, yes meant no questions.

The man, Itsuki, looked frightened and quickly lowered his hand. "Um, well, why do we have tomorrow off, sir?"

Hajime turned and walked towards the door, ignoring any stares. "Because I said so. Don't question me."

Then he walked out and slammed the door behind him.

"Idiots."

* * *

The next morning Saito arrived early at the station, and, after checking on the quick tempered redhead, began to grudgingly pick up around the place. 

Last night he had ordered the officers to clean in the own areas and rooms, so, for those who had actually obeyed, it was fairly clean with only a few things to do, which Saito did reluctantly.He wouldn't be cleaning at all, or even touching a broom, if there wasn't a possibility that the official might want a tour around the station. And unfortunately he was here to serve.

Saito avoided cleaning the room that Himura was residing in long-term, until it was the only place left untouched.

Walking as slow as he could, the man eventually reach the door and knocked roughly on it, calling, "I have to come in Himura, don't you dare try anything."

When there was no answer, the man slowly opened the door, dragging the cleaning supplies in behind him. As the cops eyes adjusted to the usual lack of light in the room, he noticed that the redhead was still sitting by the window, and staring out of it, continuing to leave the bed untouched.

Saito sighed, closed the door and walked over near the other man. "You have to sleep sometime baka."

"I do."

He frowned annoyed, "I don't believe you. You certainly don't look like you are." Then, just to bait the younger man, the cop continued. "I wouldn't be surprised if you stay in that same spot all day and night. You must be fascinated with that window."

The redhead turned his head slightly, but didn't look directly at his companion. "Right," he muttered softly, then returned to the window.

As they talked, Saito began slowly cleaning and picking up the room, keeping his thoughts and observations to himself.

Ever since the "accident," Himura had become withdrawn and distant. He rarely spoke and when that happened, the man was very quick to anger. But, the younger man also had never set even a foot outside of the station. He had never even been close to going outside.

For more than three whole months.

Which meant that Himura had not had any other human contact or been in the sun for a quarter of a year.

Not a very good statistic.

* * *

Saito turned towards the window to study the redhead's back. There was a little more than an hour before the official came, and in that time he himself had to be presentable, had to be sure the station was presentable, and also make sure Himura was as well, if needed. 

"Himura."

The man raised his head, but didn't answer, just kept his eyes on the window.

"You need to go take a shower, get clean." He wrinkled his nose, "you smell pretty bad. And that's not allowed. You have to be at least slightly presentable."

Saito heard the redhead shift slightly in the chair. If he had been sitting in that position for a long time then he had to be incredibly stiff.

"Why?"

The cop ground his teeth together, Himura could be so annoying.

"Because I say so."

Near the window Kenshin slowly stood up from the chair, and, with one long glance outside, turned towards Saito with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Fine."

Hajime stared back into the mans now violet-amber eyes, and smirked.

"Go then. I'll find you another uniform, and other things." He glanced at the man's dirty hair, that was once bright red, "probably including scissors."

The redhead gave Saito a long look, then silently walked past him and out of the room.

Saito smirked and walked out as well, silently laughing to himself.

* * *

Inside the bathroom, Kenshin quickly undressed and walked into one of the cubicle showers, waiting until it was comfortably heated before standing underneath the stream of water while relishing the feel of its heat on his skin. 

It had been such a long time since he had taken a shower, not because he liked being dirty, although he was used to it from being a rurouni, but instead because he rarely wanted to leave his room. It was now his refuge.

The redhead sighed and began washing absently.

Before, his friends and the dojo had been his home, and he was happy to be able to have called it that. After eleven years of wandering, he had finally found a home.

Now, however, it had been demolished, and was gone. He no longer had a place to return to, or to look forward to being at.

The station was now his so-called home.

Kenshin laughed, how ironic was that?

Even though throughout his life he had wanted to help people, and help them to live better lives, better than his own, he had never wanted to be a police officer.

But here he was, practically living in a police station.

"Himura!"

The sharp voice of the amber-eyed cop broke into his thoughts, and he pulled the curtains back far enough so that he was able to stick his head out to scowl at the other man.

"What?"

Saito smirked in return, then walked over to the counter and set down the clothes he had brought. "Your clothes," he announced before moving towards the redhead and pressing a large bar of soap into the mans hand. "I thought you would need this. Don't want your pretty hair to get too dirty."

Kenshin scowled at him and tightened his grip around the hair products before pulling the curtain shut.

* * *

After the redhead had washed his hair a few times, until it at least felt clean, scrubbed the soap off, roughly brushing his skin, he expertly squeezed the water out of his long hair, even longer after three months, and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around himself. 

But not before peeking his out around the curtain to be sure, one hundred percent sure, that the cop had left…and that he was completely alone.

It was then that he walked over to the counter, dried himself off, cut his hair, which would have outraged Kaoru, to a more manageable length, brushed it, and pulled it back into a ponytail.

And began to get dressed.

* * *

Saito quickly walked towards the entrance, hurrying so that he would be on time to meet the visiting official, and to make a good impression. When he arrived, a tall figure was walking through the double doors, wearing a long, black cloak and a face mask in order to disguise himself. 

As the person walked up to the cop, while his bodyguards formed a protective barrier behind him, Saito lowered his head, showing his respect, or supposed respect.

"You don't have to do that, Hajime. We both know you don't mean it."

The wolf quickly looked up, recognizing the soft, but powerful voice, which was confirmed when its owner removed the mask and cloak, revealing their identity, and causing Saito to stare.

"It's you."

The official smiled, "yes it is."

When Saito opened his mouth to question, the other man raised his hand to quiet him.

"Let me say first that I am aware that the two of us will most likely never get along. But I came here to talk to you, and to ask you to help me."

The cop considered the words, and finally nodded. "Alright, follow me," he instructed, beginning to walk towards his office.

Behind him, the official turned to his bodyguards and instructed them to wait outside. They immediately protested, and proved to be incredibly stubborn, claiming that he was in danger, and so should not be left alone.

But he convinced them by saying that no one knew he was there, and since all of them would be standing guard outside, there would be no way for anyone to sneak in.

Saito, who had, after he realized that the man wasn't following him, stopped and waited, turned and looked questioningly.

"They're very protective of me, I'm rarely allowed out of their sight," the official explained, sighing as he followed Saito through the halls to his office.

Into the momentary silence, the visitor said softly, "I never would have guessed that you would become a police officer Hajime. You didn't seem that type."

Saito shrugged slightly, "the Shishengumi were somewhat of a police force," he replied, pushing open the door to his office and waited for the official to enter before closing it behind them.

"Sit down," the cop instructed, gesturing at the chair sitting in front of desk, as he walked across and sat down in his own chair

The other man nodded and sat in the proffered chair, then shifted slightly to become more comfortable. "Thank you," he acknowledged gratefully.

"Now, sir, what did you come here to talk to me about?"

His visitor sighed and rested his hands in his lap. "First of all, please don't call me 'sir' Hajime. I don't deserve it." He lifted a hand to lightly run his finger through his hair, "but I came, to ask for your help."

"Yes?" Saito asked, pretending to be curious. It seemed like the government had long ago labeled him their dog, and now came to ask for his help every chance they could, instead of doing their work themselves.

"Have you noticed, Hajime, that many of the government officials are corrupted?"

The cop smirked, "yourself included, sir?"

He received a glare for that, "of course not. But the others who fought in the war, and received high positions in the government in return. Those ones became corrupt. Corrupted by their money and power, the two things most desired by men.

"They have forgotten the reasons why both sides fought, the reason why we took up our swords and killed other humans. Why we believed what we were doing was right, and so continued on. By giving them money and power, they no longer care for the people they fought so hard for, and instead use those gifts to satisfy their own desires and needs.

"The war was to end with an outcome so that all people would be able to live equally among each other. And so that people wouldn't have a status quo and be discriminated against because of their position. But, as usual, those in the government do put themselves above others, because they have power, and enough of it, to influence citizens' lives in anyway they want to.

"Money was given as a type of reward for fighting in the war, and having to live through what was aptly named 'hell.' However, the citizens who did not participate, but also had to fight to survive through the war, with the same worries as the soldiers, did not receive money to rebuild their homes, or to compensate them for the loss of their family members.

"Instead, they were once again forgotten, pushed back into the shadows while others, soldiers, quickly climbed the social, and hierarchical ladders.

"If we think about this situation, or in my opinion, we find that there are not many differences about the Meiji era. The weak are still picked on, and those with swords and money and power continue to think themselves better than others. Many people believe that they do not have as many worries, and do not have to be as scared. They can live their lives without being repressed, and have many freedoms.

"This might be true for some, but many others still continue to be miserable, just as they were before the war."

The man sighed and leaned back in his chair, "I know this is partially, if not mostly, my fault, since I am one of those who led the fight, and pushed hard for our own ideals to come to life. I saw many of my men cut down, men who gave me their lives, and for what? No one's life is any better. I feel as if so many innocents died for no reason. The result of that long, horrible war is nonexistent. The Japan now is not how we wanted to it be."

As he listened to the visitor's angry yet sad speech, Saito reclined in his chair, thinking exactly how much this man sounded like Himura.

* * *

The redhead stumbled down the hall, continuously tripping over the too-long length of the pants for the uniform Saito had given him. Every few yards he also had to stop to pull up the pants and roll the bottoms up, just to repeat the action when they fell down again. 

His sleeves were also a problem; he had to roll them up at least half a dozen times in order to even be able to use his hands, even though they just unraveled again, like the pant legs.

And he wouldn't even start on how the hem of the shirt went down to his _knees_.

Of course, Saito had known how large the uniform would be for him, and how ridiculous he would look. It had just been another one of the wolf's annoying plots to make him angry.

Well, it had worked.

Thank goodness no one else was at the station, oddly enough, or they would have laughed their heads off at the sight of hitokiri battousai looking so ridiculous, and even those who didn't know he had been the infamous assassin would as well.

* * *

His eyes narrowed angrily and the flecks of amber grew. This time he would show Saito, he would tell the annoying cop off and demand that he no longer played these tricks. 

The redhead stopped in front of the door, adjusted the legs and sleeves of the uniform so that he could walk in and speak without making a fool of himself, then took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

It slammed against the wall and stayed there, allowing Kenshin to stomp inside until he was several feet away from the desk, and then lock eyes with Saito and begin his rant.

"Saito, what were you thinking? You did this in purpose! You knew I'd look like this! The other pranks and jokes I've dealt with, but this is going too far!" During his rant, his sleeves and pant legs had fallen down again, making the redhead look even more ridiculous.

"I know you meant to humiliate me by making me wear this uniform which is obviously too large for me! I know you did! In the past we were enemies, but now we're not, so there's no reason for this!" He waved his arms again, emphasizing the length. "I mean, look at me!"

The wolf, who up until now had smirked at the younger man with a amused look in his eyes, began laughing.

"This isn't funny Saito!" Kenshin practically whined while pouting angrily.

Saito let out a bark of laughter, and then covered his mouth. "Actually, it's quite funny."

"No it isn't!"

This made the wolf laugh harder. "I didn't do it on purpose baka! But it is a wonderful result."

Kenshin glared.

Suddenly Hajime stopped laughing and wiped his eyes. "We'll have to end this another time. You're disrupting my meeting with a very important visitor."

At first the redhead looked suspiciously at him, thinking that the wolf was trying to get rid of him. Then he looked around and noticed a man sitting in the chair opposite Saito.

Realizing how rude he had been, Kenshin bowed and said apologetically, "I'm sorry I interrupted you. Please excuse me." Then he sent a glare over his shoulder at the cop, telling him this wasn't over, and walked towards the door.

"Himura?"

The redhead paused in mid-stride as he left the room, and turned at the familiar soft voice to see a man who had meant a lot to him during the war, and who he had thought was dead, and had been for many years.

"Katsura-san?"

* * *

I hope you enjoyed this! I'm really sorry it took so long, but, like I said, both I and Ashchan were busy, for a very long time. 

But its out now!

Well, Katsura has arrived! He will be playing a large role in this story, especially towards Kenshin. And, yes, Saito laughs. Or, he does for me anyway.

If anyone believes the charecters were out of charecter, I'm really sorry. I had a hard time writing this chapter, especially with Saito and Katsura, I had no idea how they would act, especially Katsura. And, well Kenshins just _angsty_.

There have been several complaints that this story is similar to 'A Bittersweet Elegy' and I want to apologize for this. I got the idea for this story after reading and being impressed by 'Elegy,' I had no intention whatsoever to insult that work. However, after this point, I believe that it will be different and I hope you all think so too. As for complaints or rants, I have nothing against this, as long as they are constructive. Please.

Also, _no_ Katsura is _not dead_. I know this is not true to the RK plotline, but for this story it was neccessary for him to be alive. And no, he is not a ghost, he is real and perfectly healthy. As he'll explain next chapter, he pretended to be dead. He goes by another name now.

If anyone has not been reading this story, or is fearful, due to the hint at Kenshin torture, I will warn you now that that will not happen for a few more chapters, and even then it will be more implied and hinted at. I will not expressly show what happens to him.

About my use of showers, cleaning supplies and various other objects that anyone might doubt existed in the meiji era. One, I, as an author, have the ability to write what I want and how I want. No, I am not being egotistic, but this is a fact. It's called creativity. Two, I did, in fact, research this, and surprisingly, back then they would have showers. Although nowhere near as advanced as ours. But they did have plumbing, and could heat water, as well as various ways to cleans things. So please, no flames about this. Thanks.

Also, if you enjoyed this story…so far… please stop by my profile for a list of my other stories. I recently started a new story called Perfection, which I would love for people to read, especially since I'm not sure I will continue it. Thanks!

Personal note: I started college in August, so I should warn everyone that there will be an extended amount of time between updates. I already have part of the next chapter written, but its a rough draft. The only time I have to write is usually on the weekend, and thats if I'm lucky. So please do not complain about the length, I know it is hard to wait, I have the same problem myself, but I will try to update as often as I can. I'm sorry.

Also, I'm sorry about reloading the first chapter, but there were some mistakes I had to fix (including not including a disclaimer) and so thought it neccessary. I'm sorry for those who reviewed the first time and I lost their reviews. Thank you anyways.

Thanks to shinigami109, iheartkenji, bobtheinsanegreencrayon and ruruken15 for reviewing!

Thanks for reading! Please leave a review!

ja ne,

mijichan


	3. Chapter 3

Lost Dreams

Ch 3

Yes, what you see before you is an actual update! I know, amazing isn't it?

Warning: This chapter has not been beta-ed, so any problems with spelling or grammar are completely my fault. I apologize in advance for any inconvienence.

Enjoy!

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Katsura carefully scrutinized his once top-hitokiri, searching for, and identifying, any changes from the thirteen years that had passed, differences which would, interfere, with his, performance.

Thankfully there were very few, and those that did exist were only slightly worrying.

Himura might be older, but that didn't mean his skill, or instincts, had been dulled. Most likely he still practiced regularly, meaning he was still in prime form.

Also, from the way the redhead had reacted to Hajime's, amusing, prank, Himura was admittedly less deadly and distant, but there was a remainder of the assassin in his voice. It seemed this was especially true when he became angry_, _meaning that the hitokiri still existed somewhere within the redhead.

_Excellent._

'He's…alive?' The redhead questioned himself, finding it hard to believe what his eyes were showing him. 'But all those rumors, the stories, the _funeral_ for goodness sakes. It was all, fake?'

"H, how?"

Katsura smiled at him in the reassuring way the redhead remembered, and then relaxed comfortably in his chair. "I am sorry that I deceived you Himura, but I believed I would be able to help people more if I was thought to be dead."

Himura frowned, "so, it was all a lie."

"Obviously baka, he's sitting right in front of us. Otherwise we're both having the same hallucination."

A fierce glare was sent in Saito's direction. "_Quiet_ Saito."

_Amber flickering within light violet eyes, a cold tone… wonderful._

"I feel we should humor him for the _slight_ sarcastic remark Himura. After all, we are enemies," Katsura commented mildly, carefully watching the redhead.

At the man's words Saito smirked, "are, or were?"

Kenshin rolled his eyes and looked away from the wolf, carefully controlling his annoyance. Why did the man always have to be cold and sardonic? This was the meiji era, the two of them shouldn't be enemies, even though the redhead didn't think he could ever stand to be friends with the man.

"We are getting off topic here." Katsura announced quietly, and then pulled out the chair beside him. "Please sit next to me Himura."

_He would look better with his hair in a high ponytail, much more frightening._

The redhead, with only a slight hesitation, walked over from the doorway to quietly sit in the proffered chair. "Thank you Katsura-san."

_What a wonderful violet color, but the amber is better._

Katsura smiled at him, then returned his gaze to Saito, asking quietly, "do you understand what I am saying Hajime?"

"About your staged death or your words earlier about how _corrupt_ the government is?" The wolf replied, smirking mischievously as he leaned back in his chair.

The man deflected the smirk with a hard glare, "this is not the time to be making jokes Hajime. I came here today because I believed you could help me." Katsura shifted in his chair and moved as if to stand, "however if you feel it necessary to mock and ridicule me, then I will go elsewhere."

Saito crossed his arms across his chest and gazed defiantly back at him. "Very well, if you really want to. I didn't really want to help in the first place. The whole idea is ridiculous."

"What idea?" Kenshin questioned softly.

_He is still inquisitive, perhaps too much so._

"So, Hajime, you do not believe that the members of our current government are corrupted in their behavior towards the common people of Japan?" Katsura demanded heatedly, his voice rising slightly.

The wolf frowned and lit a cigarette, "some of them are, but I don't see what you will be able to do about it." His eyes glintedamusedly, "unless you mean to use illegal methods in order to dispose of them."

Katsura suddenly straightened and crossed his arms across his chest_, _protesting firmly, "I am above such methods."

In response the wolf merely snickered.

"Katsura-san, do you really believe that some of the men from the war have acted in such a way?" The redhead asked quietly, shifting slightly. "Do you really not like the outcome of all we fought for?"

The man relaxed and sighed loudly, "I do not think _all_ of them act recklessly and in their own self interest," he began hesitantly, "but others surround themselves with things belonging to the common people, things those people deserve after surviving the war."

"But, you don't think it was all for nothing?" Kenshin continued, staring at the desk as he spoke slowly. "You think this is worth all the deaths, the terror, the impact on citizens, and…" he paused, closing his eyes, "and the bloodshed? The rivers and rains of blood?"

_He dislikes blood now, especially causing it. That is disappointing._

Katsura sighed and closed his eyes, "I believe that most of what we fought for has happened, and what we _did_ was necessary," out of the corner of his eyes, he saw the redhead wince, "especially for the stability of the country. However, there remain several…problems that I believe I can…change, and which need to happen."

Saito smirked, "none of which are going to affect you, right? It will all be for the good of the people?"

"I don't appreciate your sarcasm Hajime," the man commented, scowling. "If you refuse to help me, then I see no reason why you should be part of this conversation."

Now the redhead cut in, quietly asking, "But what can we do to help people? It's true that the weak will always be repressed, and that there will always be someone who breaks the rules, but how could we possibly change that?" He paused momentarily, collecting his thoughts, "I will always fight to protect people, and I will not use my sword in any other way, however-"

"Like you protected Kamiya and the others at the dojo? How did they-"

Kenshin hissed angrily between his teeth, "don't you _dare_ speak about them that way! You know nothing!"

The wolf smirked knowingly in response but didn't tease the redhead any more.

_He can be angered easily, especially at the mention of his friends. I'm sure I'll be able to manipulate him using that anger._

"I don't understand Himura, who is Hajime talking about?" Katsura asked, leaning forward slightly, concern in his eyes. He had to pretend that he was clueless, that he didn't know who Kamiya and all of the other people the redhead had lived with at the dojo, or who had been close friends of his, were. Otherwise, Himura would _never_ come with him.

At the question, the anger slowly faded from the redhead's expression, and the amber melted into violet just as sadness flickered in his eyes and then was gone.

_He can still mask his thoughts and emotions, which will benefit him greatly._

"They were… this one's, _my_, friends. We had lived together at a dojo for five years." Suddenly his voice became hoarse and thick, "they, they _died_ several months ago. It, it was a fire, it moved so _fast_. There was nothing this one, _I_, could do to stop it. All of them died inside, before _sessha's_, my, eyes." The redhead's voice broke, and he was silent for a few seconds, trying to get himself under control. "I, I was right _outside_," he whispered, "I could _hear_ them yelling, and _crying_."

Katsura bowed his head respectively, "I am sorry for your loss. That is terrible news. I understand now that I didn't come here under the best possible circumstances. However, there _is_ a way for you to help, for you to _honor_ their memory. You can gain retribution for their deaths, make sure that such a thing never happens again."

The redhead slowly raised his head to stare at his former commander with hopeful and wet violet eyes, "_how_?"

"There are many ways to help the minority of this country's population; however, since most people assume that I am dead, they will have to be carried out in secret. No one must know who is leading the reform, but we will still be doing well for this country, and its people. I understand that you are not entirely comfortable with this idea Himura, but I believe that it is necessary."

Kenshin lowered his head and sighed softly, "I am not comfortable with this Katsura-san because I believe that this is the era of peace which we fought for. The way we live now is the outcomes of our actions, a good result. I am hesitant to destroy this era in order to bring about another which may or not be as peaceful."

"It's not exactly _peaceful_, baka. There are riots, arguments and fights in the streets every day, plenty of them to destroy the 'peace' in anyone's life," Saito interrupted scowling. "Which just make my job even more annoying."

The ex-leader of the Ishin Shishi glanced in the wolfs direction with a slight smile gracing his pleasant face, "It is still hard to believe that you became a police officer Hajime, I would have thought you would find a better way of spending your time than arresting people for meager crimes. Although if you had settled down in all of these years, that would be even harder to believe."

"He has."

Katsura uncharacteristically rapidly turned to face the redhead and stared sternly, "Himura, are you being serious? Or are both of you playing a joke on me?"

From behind the desk, Saito frowned darkly and lit a cigarette from the package on his desk, "why is it that all of the people I know have a hard time believing that I'm married?" When he noticed that Katsura was still staring, he confirmed the fact. "Yes, I have a wife, Tokio, and a son Daisuke. And before you ask, it's none of your business."

Kenshin, sensing an argument, quickly interrupted. "Katsura-san, please continue with that you were saying."

"Very well, as I said before, I understand your hesitation to ruin the current era. It is indeed more peaceful than the one in which we fought, and I am grateful for that. However, we would not be destroying this world, just changing it for the better. The people of this era are living better lives; I have seen this at work. However, there is much that we can still improve for them. In this way, there will always be things for us to mend in order to help people live better, but we must try, because otherwise everyone will lose their hope." The man smiled sadly, "and there must always be hope."

The redhead frowned slightly, and lapsed into thoughtful silence. What Katsura-san had said was true, there always needed to be hope. Otherwise, people wouldn't be able to live; they would lose their will to live. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes, _just like he had before, just like he nearly had now. _Maybe he should go with Katsura-san; there was nothing he could do here anymore, there was no reason to stay in Tokyo anymore- not with all the memories, the happy memories, he had here.

"Katsura-san?"

Saito and Katsura turned their heads at the soft spoken question, the wolf irritably, mostly because of the words of his former enemy, and the latter with surprise that effectively hid his hope that the words about to come from the redheads' mouth would be the ones he wanted to hear.

"Yes Himura?" The man replied, keeping his tone neutral and unsuspecting. He would do anything to convince the former hitokiri to come with him.

Before he replied and announced his decision, Kenshin gently ruffled his too-long bangs and ran his hands through the shortened red locks.

At the length of the silence, Saito leaned back in his chair and lit a cigarette, then slowly glanced over at the redhead. "If you're thinking what I think you're thinking baka, I wouldn't." The wolf turned to glare at the other man, "there's no such thing as a perfect world. And those who believe there is are just idiots."

"_Don't_ Saito. I don't care for your opinion right now, and I won't listen either." Kenshin slowly raised his head to narrow his amber-flecked eyes. "We were on opposite sides of the war, you never agreed with our ideals for fighting, and we never agreed with yours. I doubt that we'll ever see on the same level, so it's not worth your time to try to change my decision. I've made up mind, _without_ your help."

The Shishengumi captain snorted in laughter and straightened in his chair, "fine, do whatever you want Himura. But don't blame me if something goes wrong. You'll just have yourself to blame, which, admittedly, you are extremely good at."

"Nothing will go wrong Himura," Katsura interjected, glaring at Saito, "I promise that I'll take very good care of you. There is, and will be, nothing for you to worry about." He sealed the promise with a smile.

Kenshin smiled at his former commander, the amber in his eyes slowly fading back to violet, "I'm not worried Katsura-san, I trusted you before, and I still do. That's why… I've decided to come with you. I will do anything to help the people of Japan, including giving up my life for them. If it's within my skills, I will assist in any way possible." His smile grew hard suddenly, and he said in a harsh tone, "I will _not_, however, _kill_. Under _any_ circumstances."

The man's eyes softened, and he slowly shook his head, "I will not force you to kill again Himura, and I apologize for what I did to you. I've learned from that mistake, one I will _never_ repeat again. This is a promise."

"Alright, I trust you," the hardness faded and a true smile graced Kenshin's features. "I'll join you then, I want to do anything I can for the people of Japan, especially apologizing for how the war ruined many of their lives."

Katsura smiled back, and he rested a hand on top of Kenshin's head. "You always were my best soldier Himura."

From behind the desk Saito rolled his eyes and put out his cigarette, "enough with the sentimental moments. If the two of you are going to leave, then by all means leave. I've had enough of your idealistic speeches. Heck, I'll even show you to the door."

"I need my belongings Saito, I refuse to go out in public with these clothes on." The redhead insisted, indicating the too-large and baggy clothes he still wore.

Hajime smirked once again at the sight of the former hitokiri in such ridiculous clothing, he looked extremely comical, no matter how much or how fiercely he glared.

"There's ample clothing at my house that is sure to fit you Himura. Also the carriage is just outside, there's no reason for anyone to see you," Katsura reassured the younger man, sensing his discomfort.

After several thoughtful minutes, the redhead nodded his head, "alright."

The former Ishin Shishi commander waited as Kenshin rose to his feet, and then helped him towards the door, aiding him so that the redhead could walk without tripping. Saito silently followed them, thoughtful.

Once at the main door to the station, Katsura's guards surrounded him and Kenshin- leading them to the carriage that was sitting only a few feet away while Saito stood at the entrance.

Katsura was the first into the carriage, followed by a handful of his concerned guards, and the redhead stepped up to join them, but suddenly he turned to face the wolf, steadying himself with a hand on the top of the carriage.

"Saito," he called softly, but then stopped.

The other man frowned at him, annoyed, "what do you want baka?"

Such a response caused a small smile from Kenshin, and he answered, "just… thank you." And with those few words he turned and entered the carriage, its door closing behind them.

Saito silently watched as the carriage drove away from him, feeling mixed feelings as he did so. He was grateful that the annoying redhead was gone, and no longer needed looking after. But, mixed into that was also the sense that something was wrong, that he was supposed to have done or said something else.

And for some reason he couldn't shake the feeling that something was very wrong.

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I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! I'm sorry about it's roughness... I'll probably resubmit an edited version later.

Feel free to comment... I would love to hear any feedback. I will warn you that it might take me awhile to update this again. I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this.

Thanks to everyone who has already reviewed! And thanks to you who will review!

See you later,

miji


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